It feels like my disease is in remission. I wish I didn't have to take so many harmful drugs. And though I respect the medicine, and am grateful for my ability to move with more ease, I fear what will happen to my body long term. I've been questioning the longevity of my life these days. With all of the medications I'm on, I often wonder what the long term cost will be on my body. I ponder the reality that I may only have a decade or so left. Perhaps this fear is totally unfounded, but with the type of medicine I'm taking I wonder. I am aware of the concept that our thoughts create our reality. I also realize there is such a thing known as "self fulfilling prophecy", and I best be mindful as to what 'thoughts' I'm choosing to manifest.
Yet, in a big way, this belief has been fueling me to make the most out of every single day.
I ask myself if I am safe. If I am loved. And this thought comes to my mind (in a voice not my own) "You truly already know the answer to this. Don't pretend that you forgot that you're loved and life is safe. Your soul knows the truth. You are loved. You are safe. Say it over and over again until you remember who you really are."
None of us are getting out of this place alive. I love the idea that we are "spiritual beings having a temporary human experience".
Some days I want to cry, for what my body used to be able to do. I believe that this is how I will heal. I tell myself that this IS being strong. FEELING the pain. I want to walk through it, and come out the other side still loving myself. What an exciting opportunity this is for me.
I strive to consciously choose to become a better woman from this situation. I truly believe that I am the source and cause of MY experience. My perception is everything. If I don't like my experience, then I'll play around with different views of my situation.
I know that there are some REALLY cool awareness that can come from this. Who knows, perhaps someday I could look at this disease as giving me the opportunity to experience spiritual growth.
Perhaps at a soul level, I had wanted this experience before even coming to earth in my human form?
Okay I know that sounds pretty 'out there'! It's like I said, I just love to play around with different points of view. Try out radical perspectives, just for fun! The belief system is a powerful thing, because what we 'believe' to be true, is ultimately what we experience. Since we're making it all up, I might as well make up stuff that supports me in having joy, peace, contentment, love, excitement, adventure whatever!
Just like my run today, I believe the sky's the limit!
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